Someone Must Be To Blame

Someone must be to blame for hitting my PANIC! button.

Because, remember when I was talking all about how I am totally calm?  Yeah.
Gone.
Like, poof, into thin air.

This blog post will probably be listed as "published" at something like 2:00 am PST.  I started writing just before 1:30 am PST.

Now, not to say that I am freaking out about details that need to get done or something tragical happening....mostly, I have sneaking feelings of impending doom and my thoughts are racing like they're in the final stretch going for Olympic Gold.

I jump topics like....well, all analogies coming to mind at this moment are a bit inappropriate...suffice to say it is a lot!  I am thinking about: the classwork that is due on Friday (four separate projects, each of which involve writing at minimum 5 double-spaced pages of pure text), what we are going to do for our honeymoon, how the apartment is a mess, the outstanding RSVP's, where we are going to find the apartment for LA, that maybe I should be working out more since the wedding is so close, how long am I going to have to stay at La Familia on Thursday to finish paperwork, when I am going to fit anything else in, how I have a party on Saturday, about coordinating flights for my officiant, my guilt over not having worked on my vows hardly at all, the upcoming move and the required organization, Chris' health, how little food we have in the apartment right now, how good Taco Bell sounds right now, that I should maybe lay off the salt until the wedding to avoid bloat, and how it would be nice to finish the dishes but that would probably be too loud and wake Chris...........
The list goes on.
And on.
And on.

You get the idea.
It's tremendous.

All with this sinking, nagging feeling that, even with every pot I have my finger in at the moment (because everything listed above will be done in time and at least adequately), I am missing something vital.

This rigamarole, this tirade in my mind is what has me up at 2:00am on a Monday night/Tuesday morning when I have scheduled myself for a 9:00am yoga class.

Now, before I click off here and hit the publish button, it would be unfair of me not to acknowledge that this is not the only time in my life where anxiety has taken sleep from my grasp.

Even as I prepare to finish this post, I took a look around the view of the apartment from my perch at my desk to see what other task I can tackle before attempting to sleep.