Boot Scootin' Boogie!

As you may or may not know, I am (along with Christopher) a country dancing enthusiast!  We go dancing at a local country bar pretty much as often as we can (which is not as often now as it used to be).   Christopher also says that the moment he realized that he was in love with me was when he was watching me while I was on the dance floor.

As such, we thought it only fitting if we did one line dance during the wedding.  Racking my brain, I carefully selected the line dance "Boot Scootin' Boogie" that is danced to the song of the same name by Brooks & Dunn.  We plan to teach the line dance at the rehearsal to our wedding party, but we thought it would be fun to give ALL of our guests the chance to learn the dance.

I scoured the YouTube for an example or instructional of the version of the dance that Chris and I know.  That took for-ev-er!!!  Apparently, the version that we do is not the most popular version so the video below is the best that I can find.  

These folks do the correct version for us, and it is altogether a pretty simple dance compared to many of the other line dances that I might have chosen.  We will be doing the dance after I change into my reception dress following the cake cutting.

So go ye forth and learn the dance so that you can have fun with us (even if you do feel a little silly while doing so)!!!!!!

Surfacing

One theme that I have been noticing is that, with the wedding so close, it makes me think about my relationship with Chris in a different way.  Mostly what that means is that conversations about the future surface more -- and not in the "isn't it fun to dream about the future" kind of way, but in the "how are we actually going to make this happen?" kind of way.

To be sure, Chris and I both have things we want to achieve both as separate people (e.g., our careers) and as a couple (e.g., children and a home).  We have talked about these things before, many times and at great length.  And yet, as we creep up find ourselves closer and closer to the day of the wedding, these conversations seem to take on a different weight.

As a psychology grad student, I know that this behavior - the re-evaluation of a commitment during that in-between time after deciding to commit (e.g., engagement) and before the commitment becomes finalized (e.g., marriage) - is completely normal.  It happens with small decisions and large, good decisions and bad; this psychological reflex does not discriminate, particularly if you have a pragmatic style of thinking.

So, given that, it's completely normal and natural that Chris and I are having more and more serious conversations about the direction of our lives - particularly considering that, for the next year, I will be living in LA and he will be here in the Bay Area.  It's also particularly present, I think, because for the past four years the needs and demands of my schooling have been of paramount importance and largely immovable while Chris had to mold to mine.  A difficult feat to balance these things and now we are moving closer to being able to prioritize Chris' career and needs over mine. We discuss how we are going to manage this coming year while living apart, but also long-term financial planning, personal goals, professional goals, and family planning.

The closer we get to the wedding and the closer we get to more freedom (in the form of me becoming a licensed psychologist) the more these questions and discussions are imperative and hold more weight.

I suppose I have to think of this in neither a good/bad manner, but rather accept that the intensity of these transitions is appropriate and important to consider.

DIY: Wishes and Advice

This post includes a few separate DIY projects to make my whole Wishes and Advice Card set-up.

Wait.

Maybe I should back up a bit because I don't think I've posted about this before.

Ok.

So.

I decided some time ago that I wanted to do something just a little different for my welcome table, particularly I wanted to find an alternative to the traditional guest book.  I found a few ideas online and ultimately decided to do my own take on the Wish Tree.  

Partly, I liked the idea because a couple of years ago, as part of my Christmas gift for him, I made a jar of inspirational quotes for Christopher.  I found lots and lots of quotes that I thought he would like - with a variety of topics and tones - and put them in a jar (on small pieces of card stock) for him to take on a [semi-]daily basis.  

The gift went over well, so when I stumbled upon the ideas for the wishes and advice trees and such, I mixed in my own flavor by deciding on having a Wishes and Advice jar.

The idea is that our guests will take a blank card and write either a wish or advice for us as we begin our marriage.  I liked this idea instead of a guest book because this is more interactive, creative, and hopefully will lead to a more treasured keepsake than a traditional guest book.

With that in mind, the idea resulted in creating several mini-projects:

(1) the cards themselves

(2) the jar

(3) an explanatory sign

and

(4) pens

Up first: the cards themselves. I created a template in Word, but it can easily be done in Publisher so that fours cards fit on each page (approx 3" x 4").  I found a pretty floral image online (like this one), adjusted the image so that it was a watermark and set it as the background.  Then I decided on the wording (after a few attempts) and added it in.  The result:

I used a beige card stock, printed about 160 (cards not pages), and used my really awesome paper slicer to cut them out and voila! the task is done!  And without any finger cutting.

Second task (and arguably the most fun): the jar itself. I used a mason jar that I'd procured at some point in the past, small paintbrushes, and acrylic crafting paint (and one small piece of ribbon).  I painted the design I wanted, wrapped a bit of gingham ribbon around it and it was done.  I tried not to worry too much about getting the paint perfect since I'm not an artist and it really wouldn't matter anyways.  Result:

Third is the sign: I figured that I should probably explain to my guests what the whole thing was about.  Using a cheap frame, I added a matting page using the same floral print from the cards and printed that on a piece of blue card stock, before adding the explanatory message.  I took a little while to decide on the wording and the fonts to make both clear and as concise as possible:

For the fonts, I used Font Paradise which has a really great program that makes it super easy to actually use the fonts you've downloaded. And yes, it's totes legit and not a virus.

Fourth were the writing implements: take one part ballpoint pens, one part silk flowers, and one part florist tape.  Cut the flowers so that the stem runs along the barrel of the pen; wrap the floral tape around and around until the whole pen is covered.  The backside of the tape will be sticky, but that will go away with time.

The total set-up:

I'm pretty satisfied.  :)

Article: Enhancing Joy in Your Relationship

Stumbled across.

Simple, readable.

Thoughts?

Sidebar: Scarlett Marie

On February 20th, 2011 at 4:25pm, my brother and sister-in-law welcomed into the world a brand new, beautiful baby girl.

Scarlett Marie Gray

She weighed 7 pounds and 1 ounce at birth, and measured 19.5 inches long.

I love her so much, and I am so proud to be an auntie.

Uh-Door-Uh-Bull

I just found a list of quotes from small children talking about love and marriage.
Made me smile so hard, I almost cried.  It also made me giggle to myself repeatedly in the airport.


A select few items:


Adult: When is it ok to kiss someone?
Child: You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding.


Adult: Is it better to be single or married?
Child: It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble.


Adult: What is falling in love like?
Child: If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long.


Adult: How important is being good-looking to falling in love?
Child: Beauty is skin deep. But, how rich you are can last a long time.




There are more, but I kind of want to save them!

Two Hundred

As of today, there are exactly two hundred days until the wedding, and it puts me in a reflective mood.

I know that I spend much more time and mental energy on the pragmatic details of the wedding -- planning, meetings, decisions, and ideas -- than on the emotional impact.  I'm trying to change that.

Being in the mental health profession, it is incredible how much even I use the pragmatics to bypass the psychological impact of transitions and needs.  A lot of this is about control and about our culture.  Our culture focuses on getting things done, on results, on tangibles, and quantifiable actions.  This is not the most helpful or healthful way to live, from a psychological perspective.

It is much simpler to spend energy on deciding which one of these to buy and whether or not I want this or that.  And honestly, it feels like these decisions are of eminent importance.  For example, Chris and I went browsing from wedding bands the other day.  We found a few that we like, but I cannot for the life of me make a decision about what I would like to do.  I have spent a good amount of time looking at photos of the rings on the internet, and felt anxious that I will make the wrong decision.  Upon reflection, though, two things become clear: (1) I don't need to make this decision for another couple of months yet, and (2) it doesn't really matter which of the rings I choose.  If I pick the "wrong" one, I will either come to love it or we can just get another one if I don't.  Essentially, there is no wrong ring.  Whichever ring I choose, I will wear along with my engagement ring and it will still stand as a symbol of our love.

With so many messages from the media and questions from others in my life about the decisions and details of the wedding, it becomes so easy to convince myself that the anxiety I feel about choosing a wedding ring is about the wedding ring.  It is not.  That anxiety is not about the physical band and its qualities.

That anxiety, that fear of making the incorrect decision, is about me and how I am feeling in general regarding the wedding.  Before I continue I want to be clear: I love Chris, I want to marry him more than I want to do anything in this world.  And still, I cannot help but feel an impending sense of doom.  By that I mean that, in making each step towards the realization of such an important decision, transition, and step in my life, I worry.  I cannot pinpoint all of it at this moment, but I know that it's there.  And it's not about Chris.  It's not about our relationship.

It's about me and what this wedding and marriage means to me as a woman transitioning from my family being my family of origin (my parents and siblings) to "my family" first and foremost meaning me and Chris.  Even though, in reality, this has been the case for a while, the wedding represents the formal transition just as, after completing all my coursework during undergrad, pragmatically, I was just as finished with college as I was after I walked across that stage to shake hands with the provost.  The ceremony is important.  It is a marker.

As a person, I am much more likely to feel anxious when I am uncomfortable than depressed.  Most people have one tendency or another: I have the former.  I tend to get into the 'doing' or the 'avoiding of doing' and putting a lot of mental and physical energy into something other than the most important task at hand.
I often make decisions quickly and decisively, but until a decision is irrevocable (or as near to it as possible), I will question it, feel ambivalent and anxious about doing the 'wrong' thing about 'failing'.  I also worry about whether or not I will do something correctly.

To help, I make lists and I check and double-check.  I color-code, schedule, and create redundant systems.  I organize, make boxes, make labels, and go over the same ground multiple times until I'm too irritated with myself to continue.  This is how I handle stress and uncertainty.  This is what has helped me get through graduate school insanity and all the bombs that have exploded in my life.  I start with the practical and, often, this makes the anxiety go away.  Not anymore.  I know now that, while I do still need those lists, due dates, and highlighters, that is not the only thing I need to do to make my wedding day successful.

I need to spend more time on my emotions themselves.  I need to be okay with acknowledging, even just to myself, the pain of this transition and the fears of the unknown that plague me.  I need to remind myself that this anxiety is not about the fact that I'm three days late in ordering the invitations.  I also need support in the fact that, while I am enduringly thrilled about marrying Christopher, it is not simple or easy.

I need space to prepare in more than just losing weight or test-driving lipsticks.

You know what else helps?
Reminding myself of something that I heard and that resonated with me: "He always makes me feel like the prettiest girl at the party."
And he does.
I love our love.
And I love him.

That eases it, but doesn't mean that the pain and anxiety aren't there or aren't going to crop up again.

Love Is A Beautiful Thing

I though, in the interest of laziness, I would post another set of lyrics from a song I absolutely love and will 100% be incorporating into the wedding somehow....as of yet I'm not sure on that front, so I'm open to ideas!!!

Every time I hear this song, I get choked up.  It's lovely and sweet and still full of life and joy.

"Love Is A Beautiful Thing" by Phil Vassar

Video.

Lyrics:

Looks like everybody’s here
Had to put some foldin’ chairs in the vestibule
Yeah, it’s gettin’ full
Even old Aunt Ruby came
Her first time on an airplane
It’s her sister’s girl
She wouldn’t miss it for the world

And all them kids jumpin’ in the pews
And Mr. Charlie in his lime-green suit
‘Is a handsome man’
Remarks Widow Callahan
Uncle Joe and Uncle Jake
Haven’t spoken since ’98
Just said, ‘Hello’
It’s a good day to let it go

Chorus
So let the angels gather
Let the music play
Let the preacher get to preachin’ all the “do you take”‘s
Love is a beautiful thing
Throw the rice in the air
Let the church bells ring
Tie the cans to the back of that limousine
Love is a beautiful thing

Daddy’s waitin’ with the bride
Yeah, she helps him with his tie
She sees a tear
He says, ‘Man, it’s hot in here’ hhmm
He hugs his little girl and asks,
‘How did you grow up so fast?
God, I wish your Momma could be here for this’

And everybody stands and smiles
As she goes walkin’ down the aisle
In her Mamma’s gown
And Daddy breaks on down
Gran and Gramps in the second row
Stood right there fifty years ago
And said their vows
Yeah, I guess it’s workin’ out

Chorus

A little table full’a gifts
Catering’s covered dish
And the wedding band
Well, that’s on her hand
And Tommy’s teasin’ Lorelei
He pushed her down and made her cry
And neither one knows
A day will come

When the angels gather
And the music plays
And the preacher gets to preachin’ all the do you takes
Love is a beautiful thing
Throw the rice in the air
Let the church bells ring
Tie the cans to the back of that limousine
Love
Two people in love is a beautiful thing

Better Inspiration

So, I found a website that makes it easy to make inspiration boards, particularly for weddings.

And, as evidenced below, I suck at trying to do it on my own.

Thus, I have spent more time than I should working on the below:

The first one is just meant to give a better sense of the overall colors I want, and the second is intended to be more like general inspiration.

I love the idea of something rustic, shabby-chic, with interest, and kind of modern, with surprising and delightful details.

Thoughts?

Comments?