Perfect Fit: My Rings

Before we got engaged, Chris spent many hours deciding on my engagement ring.  Because I had been told that I was not going to be able to choose my ring, I had sent him probably close to 100 pictures of rings that I liked so that there was no question about things that I liked.

So Chris went to a jeweler with one of those many pictures in hand and described to the jeweler what he like about the ring in the photo and how he wanted it to be different for the special-commission engagement ring he wanted.  A few months later, Chris was summoned back to the jewelers and shown the ring that had been created: my engagement ring.  After he proposed, I was amazed at how perfectly he had gotten the ring.  

And yes, these are the best photos I could find of the ring on my delightful sausage fingers.  ;)

And theeeeen, many moons later, we went shopping just to look at possibilities and directions.  Along the way, we found a ring that just slid in perfectly with my engagement ring.  So we took some time to think about it.....then we went back to that store and bought it!

It came in from beings size a few weeks later.

I can't help but think that, considering the uniqueness of my engagement ring's shape (in terms of engagement rings, anyhow), that the new wedding band fits incredibly well.  It will fit even better when we get it soldered together after the wedding.

I feel very fortunate to have found such a perfect fit with such ease.

Now I just have a few dozen days left to wait before I can wear it all the time!!

Photos and Food

Chris and I recently had a very productive day a couple of weeks ago in terms of wedding-related items.
We met with our photographer, dropped off my ring for repairs, had our final tasting with the caterer, and discussed various other wedding topics during these other adventures in wedding-planning.

First up, the photographer.
I am in love with our photographer.  We are using Jade Studio Productions, based out of San Francisco.  It is one primary photographer and his wife who do most of the shooting.  We didn't really select them, that was pretty much decided for us.  Why?  Because this is who took the photos at my father and step-mother's wedding and then, more recently, at my brother's wedding.  They do such beautiful work and, it's pretty rockin' since not only am I comfortable with their work, I already actually know the photographers themselves -- enough to know first names and be comfortable with hugs.
So we sat down with Philippe, the main person, and looked through all the books he had and the possibilities.  It was incredible just how many options he had for what our book would ultimately look like; there were very traditional books, very non-traditional books, lots of interesting detail that is possible, and so much inspiration that it was intimidating and overwhelming.  Philippe, as always, was delightful and thrilled about his work -- the photos and the end product of the books were both overwhelming and incredible to see.  I cannot wait to see the photos he will have taken of us on our wedding day.

After that meeting, we rested for a bit, but had to make it out to Girasole again for a third meeting with the caterer to, finally!, try our actual main dishes...you know, the ones we custom-created with the help of the catering coordinator/owner, Skip. (If you don't remember, we had had a couple of unfortunate meetings with him previously).  Due to schedules, none of the parents were able to attend this time, so it was just me, Chris, and Skip.  While he was late arriving, again, we were able to taste a few of the dishes we had discussed.  One was just alright, one was super-delicious, and another was simply good.  When Skip arrived, we finished tasting things, made some adjustments and came up with our wedding menu:

Hors d’oeuvres

Smoked Salmon Tostado Almond Wood smoked salmon, herb chévre on a blue corn tostado, jalapeño mango & papaya salsa

Prosciutto & Melon Skewers cantaloupe & honey dew

Spicy Italian Sausage Stuffed Mushroom

Buffet

Marinated & Grilled Tri-Tip of Beef … with a mushroom demi glace

BBQ Boneless Chicken Breasts & Thighs…citrus BBQ sauce

Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Rajas Poblanos…with fresh corn and cheese

Cumin Creamed Corn & Spinach

Roasted Vegetable Medley… red onion, mushrooms, zucchini, yellow squash, sweet red bell pepper & carrots with extra virgin olive oil and herbs

Insalata Santa Fe romaine & field greens mixed; jicama rubbed with fresh squeezed lime juice & cumin; blackberries, strawberries & orange sections; fresh asparagus; with a jalapeno mango vinaigrette,; tortilla confetti

Corn Bread with Honey

It's definitely got that southwestern, country, BBQ feel to it which is what we were going for.  The Rajas Poblanos was the super-delicious dish that we loveloveloved when we tasted it, and the salad is make-your-own essentially.  It's a little eclectic, to be sure, but so are we *and* we really like the dishes all around.  We made sure to have plenty of food available for those who aren't meat-eaters, as well -- even though there isn't strictly a "vegetarian entree".

It just sounds so yummy, I can't wait to eat it!  Even though everybody tells me that we won't really get to eat during the meal (the caterer already prepares for that and make take-home plates for the bride and groom :) ).

They also provide a coffee bar, included with the package, they'll cut and serve the wedding cake at no extra charge (no 'cutting fee' bullpucky), and we will be providing our own beverages (water, soda, juice, beer, & wine) for which, again, they don't charge (they only charge for the bartender's time, no corkage fee).

Even though we've had some issues with the caterer's timeliness and remembering who we are, the food and the deal are great and we already know from first-hand experience, that they really do a great job when it comes to the showdown.

I cannot wait!

Two Hundred

As of today, there are exactly two hundred days until the wedding, and it puts me in a reflective mood.

I know that I spend much more time and mental energy on the pragmatic details of the wedding -- planning, meetings, decisions, and ideas -- than on the emotional impact.  I'm trying to change that.

Being in the mental health profession, it is incredible how much even I use the pragmatics to bypass the psychological impact of transitions and needs.  A lot of this is about control and about our culture.  Our culture focuses on getting things done, on results, on tangibles, and quantifiable actions.  This is not the most helpful or healthful way to live, from a psychological perspective.

It is much simpler to spend energy on deciding which one of these to buy and whether or not I want this or that.  And honestly, it feels like these decisions are of eminent importance.  For example, Chris and I went browsing from wedding bands the other day.  We found a few that we like, but I cannot for the life of me make a decision about what I would like to do.  I have spent a good amount of time looking at photos of the rings on the internet, and felt anxious that I will make the wrong decision.  Upon reflection, though, two things become clear: (1) I don't need to make this decision for another couple of months yet, and (2) it doesn't really matter which of the rings I choose.  If I pick the "wrong" one, I will either come to love it or we can just get another one if I don't.  Essentially, there is no wrong ring.  Whichever ring I choose, I will wear along with my engagement ring and it will still stand as a symbol of our love.

With so many messages from the media and questions from others in my life about the decisions and details of the wedding, it becomes so easy to convince myself that the anxiety I feel about choosing a wedding ring is about the wedding ring.  It is not.  That anxiety is not about the physical band and its qualities.

That anxiety, that fear of making the incorrect decision, is about me and how I am feeling in general regarding the wedding.  Before I continue I want to be clear: I love Chris, I want to marry him more than I want to do anything in this world.  And still, I cannot help but feel an impending sense of doom.  By that I mean that, in making each step towards the realization of such an important decision, transition, and step in my life, I worry.  I cannot pinpoint all of it at this moment, but I know that it's there.  And it's not about Chris.  It's not about our relationship.

It's about me and what this wedding and marriage means to me as a woman transitioning from my family being my family of origin (my parents and siblings) to "my family" first and foremost meaning me and Chris.  Even though, in reality, this has been the case for a while, the wedding represents the formal transition just as, after completing all my coursework during undergrad, pragmatically, I was just as finished with college as I was after I walked across that stage to shake hands with the provost.  The ceremony is important.  It is a marker.

As a person, I am much more likely to feel anxious when I am uncomfortable than depressed.  Most people have one tendency or another: I have the former.  I tend to get into the 'doing' or the 'avoiding of doing' and putting a lot of mental and physical energy into something other than the most important task at hand.
I often make decisions quickly and decisively, but until a decision is irrevocable (or as near to it as possible), I will question it, feel ambivalent and anxious about doing the 'wrong' thing about 'failing'.  I also worry about whether or not I will do something correctly.

To help, I make lists and I check and double-check.  I color-code, schedule, and create redundant systems.  I organize, make boxes, make labels, and go over the same ground multiple times until I'm too irritated with myself to continue.  This is how I handle stress and uncertainty.  This is what has helped me get through graduate school insanity and all the bombs that have exploded in my life.  I start with the practical and, often, this makes the anxiety go away.  Not anymore.  I know now that, while I do still need those lists, due dates, and highlighters, that is not the only thing I need to do to make my wedding day successful.

I need to spend more time on my emotions themselves.  I need to be okay with acknowledging, even just to myself, the pain of this transition and the fears of the unknown that plague me.  I need to remind myself that this anxiety is not about the fact that I'm three days late in ordering the invitations.  I also need support in the fact that, while I am enduringly thrilled about marrying Christopher, it is not simple or easy.

I need space to prepare in more than just losing weight or test-driving lipsticks.

You know what else helps?
Reminding myself of something that I heard and that resonated with me: "He always makes me feel like the prettiest girl at the party."
And he does.
I love our love.
And I love him.

That eases it, but doesn't mean that the pain and anxiety aren't there or aren't going to crop up again.

The Day After: Successes and Failures

First, a failure: liveblogging.  I tried, I really did, but the internet at the hotel wasn't working and when I posted from my phone (even though I'm supposed to be able to do so) it ended up as gibberish.  So, although I'm pretty sure no one really noticed, I feel sheepish; I don't like saying I'll do something and then not following through.

Second, a very important SUCCESS:  It happened; my mother got married yesterday.  All important people showed up (the wedding party, all vendors, and most of the guests), everyone was clothed, fed, and danced.  The ceremony happened, I signed the wedding certificate myself.

While the bottom-line necessities went as needed, there we hiccups along the way:

1. Friday, it took my sister and I (with my delightful fiance driving) more than an hour to drive 17 miles...on the freeway.
2. During this drive, we could not get a hold of my mom, so we had no idea what was going on....so we just kind of did what we supposed we should.
3. We still had many, many errands and tasks to complete Friday evening AND yesterday.
4. My mom's hair and makeup appointments were in another city, and she was gone for more than 4 hours in the middle of the day....without answering her phone.
5. My mom and the third bridesmaid arrived back at the hotel about an hour before we needed to leave for the venue.
6. A surprise cake for the groom's parents in honor of their 50th wedding anniversary was melted in the 85-degree heat.
7. My dress was extremely uncomfortable and the three bridesmaids were all wary of having a wardrobe malfunction in the chestal region. (None happened, though, thank goodness!)
8. Some of the personal touches that the bride and groom wanted to have didn't happen at all.
9. The groom forgot his wedding band (we had a stand in available, though).
10. There wasn't enough lighting for the end of the evening.

Because of all of this, and because of all the frustration that overshadowed some of what I'll list below.  For me, the stress and irritation I had been feeling was so overwhelming at different points over the past two weeks, that I felt relief that the event was happening and then over.  Knowing this makes me sad.  I wanted to enjoy the event with abandon, rather than with this unfortunate sheen laying over it.  

More importantly, though, many things went right:

1. My mother looked beautiful.
2. The groom choked back tears while reciting his vows.
3. The toasts were well-received (I was pretty proud of my short-and-sweet toast, given the amount of time I had to prepare).
4. No nasty scenes happened, despite some close calls.
5. People seemed to have a good time.
6. The food was good.
7. The booze was good.
8. There was lots of leftover booze. (My brother took home four cases of Sierra Nevada, my sister took home two).
9. The flowers were beautiful.
10. I have two new grandparents, who are just lovely (one of whom performed the wedding ceremony).
11. There are bound to be some amazing photos from the beautiful setting.
12. My siblings and I danced our asses off; we're pretty impressive dancers, busting out some cabbage patches and altogether looking a bit like this.
13. The music was good.
14. Mom and her new husband looked very happy.
15. I got to spend time with my former babysitter - the third bridesmaid - which was wonderful.
16. I got to dance with my very own fiance.
17. Everyone seemed genuinely happy for the bride and groom.
18. I got to meet some of my new extended family members.

Altogether, the event itself was and overall success, thankfully.

So, here's to my mother and her new husband:

CONGRATULATIONS MOM AND DAVID!!

Logo

One of the things I decided a while ago about the wedding is that I wanted to make sure that it presented cohesively. That is: no mish-mosh of craziness for me...if there's to be craziness it will be intentional in discernible as such.

To that end, at my request Chris put his Photoshop skills to work some to design a logo for our wedding. It's now posted on the right side of the blog page, but here it is once more just for good measure:

We went with the "L" because that's Chris's last initial, which will also be mine following the wedding (yes, I'm changing my name...more about that later, most likely).

The interlocking "C"s for our first initials, which seemed an obvious choice.

The cowboy boot is significant for us because Chris and I go country dancing (think: line dances, two-stepping, waltzes, and swing) nearly every week and it has been a really large part of our relationship since the very beginning.

We added a celtic knot in the shape of a heart because my engagement ring has a celtic-knot sort of feel to it, and we plan to carry that over into mine and Chris's wedding rings. Although we do both also have Irish heritage, I am inclined to believe that this is only a minor player in our decision.

The thing I like about this is that we can change the color rather easily and add it to many things for the wedding: save-the-date cards, invitations, napkins, stamps, return address labels, thank you cards, escort cards, favors, and etc.

I really fell in love with this idea and I hope that it is something that sticks in everyone's minds when they walk away from our wedding.