Article: Staying Married

I recently read and article titled: 7 Things I've Learned in 7 Years of Marriage which was posted through some of the news feeds I read related to psychology.

As I thought it was apropos, I thought I'd share the author's ideas. Here's what he said he learned was important to a good marriage:

1. Get Married For the Right Reasons.
2. Talk About Things That Matter.
3. It’s Okay to Be Wrong.
4. Compromise is a Sign of Strength, Not Weakness.
5. You Need Your Own Life.
6. Fun is Always Important.
7. Commitment Means Commitment.

In the article, the author elaborates on these points so if you're interested, I encourage you to read the whole thing.

As for me, I found it interesting to read a scientists' opinion column, essentially.  This author typically evaluates things from a scientific lens, so his decision to list these ideas about lessons for marriage - aside from any actual research, entirely based upon anecdote - was very interesting.

For me, although obviously we are not yet married, the biggest one of these that I have learned during my relationship with Chris thus far is #3.  Many of the other ideas I'd already known and I guess you could say I already knew [about] #3 prior to our relationship, but....there's something different about putting that into action, particularly when my own personal disposition is to try and be right as frequently and as vehemently as possible [I know, those who have known me for years are gasping with shock and epiphanies!].

That is definitely a lesson I have taken off the "Academic Knowledge" shelf and put into practice - slowly, with difficulty and a need for focus in the execution.  One of the things that disarmed me about Chris when we first started getting serious was his willingness to admit when was wrong and be completely ok with that...that it wasn't a devastating thing to admit.

What's more than just learning that "It's Ok to Be Wrong," is how disappointed I was to discover how difficult this was for me to put into practice.  My competitive nature and desire to be the smartest, most correct, and best were helpful in a learning environment and in the workplace but, when it comes to my personal relationships, I have had the unfortunate habit of putting "being right" above "doing what is right."

So I practice, every time Chris and I disagree about something, when we have a compromise to make or a bridge to build, I have to - very intentionally - examine myself to make sure I'm doing what is correct overall and in the best interests of our relationship rather than just trying to beat him, trying to be the winner.

Any other thoughts on these?

Also, although it wasn't one of the listed lessons, the author did put forth the opinion that couples should live together before marriage.  And, for the record, the scientific results of studies on this topic are mixed in regards to whether it is better to live together or not prior to nuptials.