The Date is Saved!

I must admit, I’m a bit on a high at the moment.

Last night, Chris and I selected our Save-the-Dates and ordered them!

This is the template we used (changed the colors, for sure), and this is the photo we used. I'll post what they actually look like when they come.

This is officially our first wedding purchase. Yes, I’ve bought bridal magazines and gone dress shopping, and spent more time online researching and thinking about planning than I should, but this is the first time we have actually bought anything for the wedding.

And, I am surprised, but clicking those buttons and anticipating their arrival in the mail very nearly brought me to tears. I think part of that is that Chris and I have been engaged for very nearly a year (it will be exactly a year on Saturday), and I have been wanting to go-go-go-go since the beginning and now I finally can.

There is also something thrilling about making the decision on the date (despite obstacles to doing so). Even more, ordering a product saying so that we get to send out to people is an incredible kind of high. People have known about our engagement and been asking about a wedding date for a while, so now it’s quite nice to officially sate their thirst.

Ordering the Save-the-Dates also makes me feel like the ball of our wedding is finally rolling.

We really are doing this.

In about a year – which is sufficiently close for me to be able to begin planning in earnest.

And I get to.

And I am.

I’m almost giddy. J

Next up: doing an initial flower consult on Sunday with our great family friend who will also be our florist.

Free Wedding Organizer

Me!

Well, not just for anyone, but I'm definitely serving that function for my mom.

She and my sister came over on Sunday and we spend several hours planning and trying to get things done.

There are now 66 days until the wedding and a great many things on the to-do list that still need to be to-done. It doesn't help the planning process that my mom's computer was still acting kinda hinky, so she doesn't use it hardly at all.

So anyways, I went over last night to deliver the phone charger she'd left at my place on Sunday and I offered to take on more responsibilities as her acting maid of honor (the official maid of honor is actually my former babysitter and she does not live here, so I'm standing in for things like planning and execution).

It's kind of nice to see the later stages of planning and how that all goes, even before the big day, but it sure is frustrating to have really and truly no control. I like control. Especially when it comes to planning and follow-through. These are my strengths....and I am not within my bounds to employ them much at the moment.

In good news on that front, many things have been decided and executed, including the fact that my sister and I now officially have our bridesmaids dresses (and I have my shoes), although both of our dresses need some tailoring, which is something we must do, and soon.

We have also made some decisions regarding the bachelorette party, which will include both karaoke and sushi...both of which are things I love. So, yay! (More on that at another time.)

Altogether, it seems like I'm not just organizing the to-do list, but also the other people involved (my sister, mom, and her fiance).

I wanted to post about doing all this, but now I feel that what I've written is disjointed and poorly organized (noting the irony that I've just listed organization as my strength at the same time as nothing that I'm not doing it so well right now....). But I'll leave it since I feel that it reflects my state of mind.

I'm exhausted.

I could sleep for a very, very long time right now.

At this moment my eyes are drooping, but I must remain awake to complete my responsibilities for the day.

The Date (For Realsies, This Time)

So after the last date-setting debacle of insanity-inducing run-arounds and craziness, Chris and I are proud to announce our formal, official, 100% solid-gold wedding date!!

Christopher and I

will be married on

Saturday

May 14th

2011

(Confession: writing that, my stomach drops some and, despite my serious fatigue, I can't help smiling and maybe even starting to cry some.)

We have settled now on the place listed previously: Rush Ranch, part of Solano County land trust and located in Suisun City, CA (about an hour north of Oakland and just over an hour northeast of San Francisco). I have even emailed the reservationist and she has set aside this date for us and our wedding.

Our choice of date was locked in for sure when we went back to view Rush Ranch again and do two things: (1) make sure that's where we wanted the wedding and, (2) do some scouting of the lands to decide where things would be.

Hiking to the top of the small hill upon which we have very nearly decided we will be married, I just looked at Chris and decided that there's no way we're not getting married right there.

With that, and with the admonition from the groundskeeper (sidebar: he lives on-site and was totally rad to chat with about the whole thing, basically saying that the Ranch has rules for events....but they don't count for much since he'll be the one there during the actual wedding and why should anyone else care?)....where was I? Oh yeah, what he told us: that once you creep past Mid-May, the weather gets too hot for comfort (there no A/C anywhere at the Ranch) and that the buggies come out for serious.

We had been considering three dates in May and the only things holding me back from choosing were the idea that it would be too cold on the 14th compared to the other two dates (both later) AND the knowledge that my sister will be living in Italy during that time and her finals schedule might be the week before or after the wedding...and I'd kind of like her to be there!

So, since the weather's better then AND it means less likely to conflict with sister's finals: voila!

I'm so relieved and happy to have a date set and cleared with all parents and important others.

I know that this date may not be the most convenient for everyone who will be invited but, dang it, there are SOOOOOOOO many of y'all that if we waited for one that were even convenient for most there would be no wedding.

Part of what's been so difficult for me is knowing just that and needing to make a decision anyways; I wanted to pick a date that works for most people, even if only because I don't want to feel like I need to apologize for picking a wedding date that works for me and my husband-to-be (and our immediate family members and bridal party). So, I won't apologize. I will just say that, I understand conflicts, and I hope that all who are invited can and will choose to come show us off into that land of marriage.

For my Mother

Lately, as it may be evident, I haven't been doing much wedding planning...for myself anyways.

School has ramped up and I have been spending a lot of time on my volunteer work and in self-reflection.

I have also been helping my mom work on her wedding plans...especially because her wedding is coming up much more quickly: June 26th. I also have a lot of bridesmaid duties, including planning the Bachelorette party.

Because of my dad's wedding a few years ago, my brother's wedding this past August, a close friend's wedding the day before my brother's, my best friend who is planning her wedding for a few weeks following mine, and my mother's wedding, I've had a lot of close contact with wedding lately. It's fascinating to build these ideas and notice how people approach things differently - and all of the wedding that have already happened have been lovely and beautiful.

Also, since my mom's wedding is following her engagement shortly, there's a lot to do in the next 80 days. I plan to focus on her, for the most part, for all these reasons, but I'm also going to be sharing some of that experience here, even though it's not our wedding I'm planning for. I suppose it's a learning experience and I'm eager to share.

To start, I'm helping keep my mom and her fiance on track, time-wise, which is really important since they have so little time left. I visited last night and helped her choose her shoes and get them ordered. I also helped her decide on what tasks she was going to tackle over this coming weekend, which is fun.

I like organizing.

Now, it's time to work more on the Bachelorette Party -- planning what's going to happen and where.

Better Inspiration

So, I found a website that makes it easy to make inspiration boards, particularly for weddings.

And, as evidenced below, I suck at trying to do it on my own.

Thus, I have spent more time than I should working on the below:

The first one is just meant to give a better sense of the overall colors I want, and the second is intended to be more like general inspiration.

I love the idea of something rustic, shabby-chic, with interest, and kind of modern, with surprising and delightful details.

Thoughts?

Comments?

Engagement Party...Parties?

I haven't mentioned much about Chris and his plans as yet, but it has become clear that Chris will be completing the Pacific Crest Trail - a 5-6 month hike from Mexico into Canada - during this summer. He plans to leave for this adventure in early May, as soon after his birthday (May 1st) as possible.

This had led us to deciding to adjust the date for our formal, official, big engagement party from Memorial Day weekend, and want to have it earlier in May.

While no one has had a problem with this proposition, they have brought up some good points and some convincing arguments for having the party when Chris returns from the hike, which would be in early October, most likely.

On the one hand, if we waited until October, it would be warmer than early May (possibly), the addition on my dad's house (where the party will be held) will be finished and the yard re-planted following the construction, and it allows more time for possible out-of-towners to join us.

On the other hand, May is much, much sooner and we have been engaged for almost a year already, I'm not really sure that it will be warmer in October, many friends may be moving away from the area and thus unable to attend in October, and I feel like having the engagement party in October and then getting married the following May feels kind of scrunched.

So.

A suggestion appears:

Have a birthday/going-away party for Chris on May 1st AND call it also an engagement party - for Chris' and my friends, particularly - and then have a SECOND engagement party when Chris returns and invite a larger group of people to that party.

Again, a weighing of options ensues.

One hand - I have already had a pseudo-engagement party immediately following the engagement itself and I feel like having three engagement parties (thrown by the same people, no less) is a bit greedy and tacky.

But I do like parties.

Even more, I like parties in my honor.

But still....greedy.

Right?

AND

I kind of want the "real" party sooner.

But I don't know.

Even better?

I definitely need to decide soon because the closer we get to the potential party date, the more quickly I need to make a decision.

I have NO idea what I should do.

Anyone want to offer suggestions?

Scratch That

Well, apparently I, once again, have spoken (and I use the term loosely here) too soon.

Chris and I had settled on what I thought were dates that were agreeable to the most important people (read: immediate family and wedding party).

Wrong.

This is an excellent example of why people are so fond of saying that weddings are stressful.

Chris and I have a very narrow window of time in which we can get married based on our own lives and what we would like.

Once we factor in other important information - for example, my best friend's wedding, which will be occurring right at the end of the time frame in which Chris and I have been considering dates - we had narrowed ourselves down to no more than 6 possible dates...a few of which are undesirable for their own reasons.

We picked the one that we liked best, believing that we had gotten all the necessary information.

We were wrong.

And.

Well.

Some of the aforementioned important people were polite about voicing their conflicts...while others were not.

Right now, I wish to not stir up more trouble because I really do care for these people a great deal...but I also wish to be honest. Thus, no names, and I'll be as vague as I can to protect people. I will also say that, if you think you are one of the people to whom I am referring and you don't like what's being said or you're worried about our relationship, know this: I will or have already voiced this to you and/or worked through it on my own (with Chris, of course) and it will be ok...but I was (and still am) upset about it.

Done.

It just hurts to feel like what should be one of the happiest days of my life is beginning to turn into a battleground and an avenue through which others may work out their problems.

The bulk of the fallout happened yesterday, Saturday.

In the last 36 hours I have probably cried for a solid 6 (and yeah, ok, I do cry - when things upset me I definitely cry).

And it sucks.

I want to make sure the important people are there and it saddens me that others don't trust me enough to be mature about bringing up their concerns directly to me in a thoughtful, empathic, mature way. Is that so much to ask?

Maybe it is...

The parties in question were aware of the possibility of us choosing the date we had and did not voice any concern prior to yesterday.

Also, we chose that date specifically, with purpose, and no one thought to ask us about that.

Bothersome.

I want our wedding to be beautiful and joyous and fun.

I do not want to look at the date and think about the subterfuge that occurred in choosing it.

I want this not to happen again.

Just...happiness...and understanding would be great.

Oh yeah!

And please forgive my rant -- it's needed, maybe it'll help me avoid more tears.

On the positive side of things, having this happen has definitely required me and Chris to make sure that we are on the same team, on the same side, with the same goals. That wasn't necessarily simple for a variety of reasons, but we're there.

Now we just have to move forward with our plan in figuring out what the actual wedding date will be.

(Also, we're probably changing the date for the engagement party, but that's not drama....yet anyways.)