*headdesk*

For those who may not know "*headdesk*" is meant to indicate to the reader that the writer is at such a point of frustration/upset/exhaustion/etc that he or she drops or bangs his or her head on his or her desk.

This is how I feel.

I am at a point with the wedding planning at this moment where it seems that some things are going just the perfect amount of wrong that I can neither: (1) get exactly what I want, nor (2) throw my hands up in the air and say "EFF IT ALL!"

In particular, I am talking, ONCE AGAIN, about setting the effing wedding date.

Yeah.

Again.

Because, apparently, this is how it's going to be.

After all the hemming, hawing, questioning, checking, patting, worry, and finally deciding Chris and I have once again been thrown a serious curve ball out of left field (now, I am perfectly aware that people do not actually throw curve balls out of left field during either baseball or softball, but that is precisely the point here).

To be fair, this ball was thrown (and hit me square in the forehead) on Sunday morning when Chris received a phone call from an extended family member informing him of a date conflict which impacted the ENTIRETY of that side of his family. He also discovered, after placing several phone calls, that this conflict would guarantee the absence of some of the extended family members to whom he is closest and make many others less likely to attend.

So.

We go back.

And re-check.

And ask again.

And annoy the garbage out of the people who had thought we had decided for sure...especially since we ordered the flaming Save-the-Dates.

To top it off, I have now found out that an immediate family member may be choosing not to come because, although could possibly be there, finds the dates choices too inconveniencing.

So upsetting to me.

I really and truly feel like I've been beating my head against a wall with this one. Chris and I have tried so hard to balance the desires and needs of others with our own. It's our wedding and we have limited choices for dates, but, bless-it-all, we have done our best. We have done a great job, actually, yet somehow, I am getting the feeling from some people that WE are being too demanding or uncooperative.

It just feels like I can't win.

I accept that there is no way everyone can be there, but it seems that our options have thus far resulted in integral person or persons being unable/unwilling to attend.

Thus, after more thought, tears, discussion, frustration, venting, more tears, and general upset Chris and I have decided to change our wedding date

AGAIN.

May 21st, 2011.

Just one week after the previous date.

And I am NOT changing it.

For anything.

I don't care anymore.

I'm so over it.

I'm exhausted.

Overwhelming feeling of unfairness and frustration that this is the situation we are in.

I was so excited about having chosen a date previously and now...now I don't even care.

And that makes me sad.

I really hope there isn't much more of this.